A gentle prod...

I recall the first time I travelled to Canada to meet with members of a Shamanic community.
 I didnt really know anyone to any great extent yet I was compelled to join them in person and after a few gentle prods I made a decision to go.
Why travel over the ocean to meet with people I barely know?

Firstly, there was realisation that I could make anything happen. I just had to believe it and nourish the idea of it.
Secondly, I broke the illusion that I was indispensable in the family home and I could infact leave my children with their Dad, my husband, for a week and they would not suffer. Any work that was in place where he couldn't look after them was covered by my sister and parents.
Thirdly, there were synchronicities appearing everywhere.

Okay, so some call them coincidence. I am not a believer of those things. If something is going to happen then there has to be a reason for it....oh so I am one of 'those' people who believe in signs? YES.

I had always said that everything happens for a reason. When reading others palms and connecting with others I was always wary of saying something would definitely happen as I believe we, as individuals, have the power to create different things with our lives.

MY eyes were opened and I woke up to life when I lived out in Dubai with my children and husband. I was lonely and had no emotional support network in place. I was pregnant with our second child and knew that my husband wanted it to work for us so I kept everything to myself. I kept my loneliness to myself and all of the issues I had to myself. Not the best idea I have ever had.

After my second son was born I felt isolated. My parents lived in the UK and I had no one to share my new life with. My husband was always working and when he came home he wasn't that happy either. He found it difficult to work with a company that was so different in the way they approached life in general.

We joined a health club to attempt to connect with other ex-patriots and it worked to some extent. Though I soon learned that not everyone had the same ideas and attitudes as I did. Not everyone was reaching out for a network or community as I did.

I recall the turning point for me was when I invited a young Mum, like me, over for tea, cakes and a play date for the kids. I set up cakes and and got toys out ready and then waited for her arrival.
After waiting a half hour past the time we arranged I phoned her and asked her if she was okay. She said she would not be able to make it and brushed it off with an excuse of a friend came over unexpectantly.
I felt hurt. I felt let down and betrayd by her lack of presence.

For perhaps a week I felt low and allowed the feelings to become natural to me. I didnt like how I felt but also knew that I didnt want to continue with the same attitude. Something had to change. Over a period of a week I came to realise that if this pain was to stop, if this loneliness was going to stop, then I had to do something about it. Nobody was going to make me happy....only I could do that. I was responsible.

I stopped looking to my husband and others to make me happy and decided that I wanted to do something for myself. I bought a french learnng package and tried to teach myself. To some extent it got me going, though in the end I gave up as I confused myself with the Welsh language I was learning at the same time.

Alun introduced the internet to me but I just didnt really get it. He said you could spend hours on the internet but it held no interest for me at that point.
It was only when I recalled an interest of mine, from my teenage years, something called reiki, that I used the internet to learn more about it. I looked it up and discovered that a teacher lived in the next Emirate to us. My husband was keen to support me, he wanted me happy too, in any project. So he agreed to help me find this teacher.

In the months that followed I began to develop something for myself. I had a focus and a skill that I could use to connect with people or just keep to myself. My family life became richer and my life itself became better. No onus on anyone else to encourage life only me and my decisions on how I influenced it.

It wasn't so much the Reiki that enabled me to live this way, it was my attitude that had changed. I had been so selfishly blaming others and giving responsibility to others for my happiness when all the time it was me who was responsible.